my 3 takeaways from How To Be A Bawse by Lilly Singh

the book deets

• title: how to be a bawse*

• author: lilly singh

• rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆ (8/10)

[1] VISION BOARDS/ VISUAL AFFIRMATIONS

For the longest time I've dismissed vision boards

and having "inspirational" wallpapers

because I thought they were lame.

But I think, along the lines of my recent read of Marie Kondo's books

the environment does impact how you feel, how you act, etc.

So I caved in:

1. new phone wallpapers

2. new desktop wallpapers*

3. monthly vision boards where I upload my fave pics into a google photo folder :)

*ALSO, desktop wallpapers are REALLY HARD TO FIND

even on Pinterest and via google search.

I've been making a few of my own but

if you have any suggestions for good ones,

please let me know!

[2] HOW TO SHIFT YOUR THINKING ft. tiramisu

She has a chapter where she talks about

shifting thinking so that it really gets at

what's going on deep down.

She explains it SO BEAUTIFULLY

as the three layers of a tiramisu:

• what are you telling other people

• what are you telling yourself

• what is really going on

One of my favourite chapters on there

because I've taken these three questions

to use as a part of some deeper reflection

in my daily journalling :)

[3] AMPLIFY VOICES YOU ALIGN WITH INSTEAD OF SHUTTING DOWN OTHERS RIGHT TO SPEAK BECAUSE YOU DISAGREE WITH THEIR MESSAGE

A dilemma I have often is:

a. I value the freedom of speech because I have been in the minority voice in a place where freedom of speech is not as strong

b. I also find it incredibly important that social media plays a role in content moderating

I think b. is really hard of a position

and I'm glad I'm not in that situation of being in that role

because I honestly don't have answers.

What I think Lilly hits on is the idea that

as individual human beings,

what we CAN do,

is instead of taking away someone's right to tell their story,

to take up their space in the world (i.e., cancelling),

we instead amplify and give power

to voices that we agree with and think are important.

I think that

a) aligns with my value of freedom of speech and freedom of expression, including for those who disagree with me and my values

b) and I'm putting energy behind really supporting people that I truly value instead of spending that effort tearing down someone I dislike

---

other weekly deets

• currently reading: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin*

• currently watching: Blackpink House vlogs

• currently eating: organic apples and surprisingly less mad about it than anticipated

*asterisk includes affiliate links,

meaning I earn a percentage of the earnings

if you buy this product :)

the 3 lessons I learned from Marie Kondo

I read/ listened to two of her books,

and they were the first things I turned to

almost as a coping strategy,

when social distancing measures were first rolled out.

After all,

this home I'm in is going to be where I am

for the next 2 weeks?

next month??

the entire summer???

What I read:

In true Lucy fashion I read them out of order*,

reading the second book first before the first.

the original book:

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up**

the second book:

Spark Joy**

Lesson #1: What is joy?

Ask yourself, what is joy to you?

To me, these books gave me

a deeper understanding

of what joy is,

what it looks like,

and how it feels.

Seems silly, doesn't it,

like shouldn't you, a whole ass adult,

know what joy is?

No.

Not entirely, anyways.

I felt like before I read this book

I had a more superficial understanding of happiness and joy,

one that was tainted by advertising and marketing,

which consistently and implicitly inserts itself into our beliefs

of what is good, what is happy, and what is healthy.

But we're all different after all,

and those $olution$ work for some,

but not all.

In her first book, she MANDATES that

HAVE to follow her order of cleaning categories:

clothing >

books >

papers >

komono (miscellany) >

sentimental items

And the meaning behind is that

you slowly develop this skill of discerning

what is love?

what is neutral?

what is not so great?

And when she teaches her clients to define what

"sparks joy",

she literally demonstrates it. (see gif above)

She lifts upwards entirely.

The concept "joy lifts you up" was always abstract to me,

but in her Netflix show she directs her clients' attention

towards signs of joy in the body:

• eyebrows unfurrowed

• shoulders lightened up

• breath smooth

• overall, posture doesn't tense up in reaction to item

These are all signs from our body

that we've all learned to ignore

so we can be adults and complete our responsibilities.

Like after sorting my items I recognized the same

feeling of joy in my body when I message certain people,

or when I make a new recipe and it turns out really well,

that lifting sense of enjoyment.

I also noticed which things gave me

the same physical reaction as that one specific sock with a hole

that was really cute when I got

but has become so mangled it is now more monstrous.

Some of those things I can make changes to,

some of those things I still have to do (dishes)

but have learned to pair with something fun (podcast).

Take home #2: Making decisions using visuals

K, I've always conceptually KNOWN from class

that your working memory can only hold so much

and that having a visual (e.g., pros + cons list) helps with making decisions,

because honestly you can only hold a few of those pros/cons reasons

in your head before your thoughts swirl to the next set of reasons.

That's how I end up ruminating anyways.

Similarly, Marie Kondo makes use of this tactic.

Her first step is to get you to hunt down EVERY last item within a category

and place them into one place.

This looks like ONE GIGANTIC pile of clothes

in the living room

in every one of her Netflix show episodes.

Only when she's absolutely certain that you have all your options out

that she gives the green light to begin decision making.

In some ways I'm adapting this concept

(now tangibly and eternally visualized as a huge mountain of clothing options)

with things like emails, to do lists + scheduling meetings also.

I set aside one time at the end of the day

where I gather all my tasks,

emails that I've held on to because they had actionable items,

and ongoing projects (and their bite sized subtasks)

and make sure I make decisions when considering ALL of these.

Too often I've run into the problem where

I'm scheduling meetings on the fly

and agreeing to doing URGENT tasks

that I'm not giving enough time to those ongoing projects

with moving deadlines.

This, I realized,

was equivalent to

cleaning out all my books in the bedroom

and already putting them back on to the shelf

to realize that I haven't touched the books in the living room

or in my bag

and now there's no room on my shelf.

Take home #3: Letting go***

Probably the biggest thing I took from this book

is the concept of letting go.

My biggest flaw is I literally keep EVERYTHING,

from emails,

to the brunch receipt that said "e-muffin"**** from

my 102nd date with my bf.

She puts sentimental items last,

because you're not only letting go

of that drawing your child drew when she was 3,

that ticket to a concert you went to see as a teen,

or that receipt of the e-muffin,

you're letting go of an emotional connection to a past event.

And those are the hardest.

But her most comforting words are,

that these are the things that made you who you are now,

to thank them, the item and the memory of experience

for helping you shape who you are today.

And there you are,

the three lessons I took from Marie Kondo's books.

Note: I still don't know how to end these blog posts

because I feel like I should have a conclusion paragraph

So here are some words

thank you for reading???

Also recommend me books to read, especially books that have changed your life

👇👇👇

• Tweet me?

• Drop into my Discord Server where the only active channel is a channel where we count upwards to infinity (at the time of writing we are at 1312) ???

• Comment below!

---

Here are the footnotes because I'm the Queen of Tangents

*tangent #1

I read Harry Potter out of order as a kid

just because the next book was checked out

and I couldn't wait to hear more about Hermione

because Hermione was the embodiment of the

little nerd that I was.

Needless to say it was R E A L LY confusing.

**affiliate links

this means I earn $$ if you specifically purchase from this link

I've been trying out Amazon Affiliates for the 3rd time

because the previous 2 times the strategy I was using

wasn't generating enough sales to meet their min thresholds

so both times I never cashed out and they closed my account.

Starting this for a 3rd time so I can try out some new strategies,

blog about what worked + what didn't

because experimenting is what I love doing, shhh :)

Keep an eye out for a potential blog post ???

***Unrelated distraction and tangent

I was going to write this all in one go but I wanted to document

that before I wrote lesson #3,

I was deeply distracted by looping this specific video

for at least 6 times.

Please watch it and get it to 10M views thanks

****the e-muffin

bf: what's an e-muffin?

bf: like an electronic e-muffin?

bf: are they gonna email me the e-muffin?

bf: I didn't get a muffin where is it

me: there was an english muffin under my poached egg this was my order thanks

my instacart experience: a storytime AND a review

March 29th, 2020: placed my first instacart order

March 31st, 2020: amazon and instacart workers strike to protest covid19 hazards on the job

April 2, 2020: day of actual instacart shipment

---

What was happening at the time

• It's the 3rd week into lockdown and newer estimates were starting to suggest that we may be under social distancing measures until June, potentially August, with worst-case estimates until the end of the year

• I had only 2 weeks of food, as suggested by earlier measures, so I looked into delivery options

Please consider these recommendations before ordering:

• Select the no contact delivery option to protect both you and your personal shopper (you can add instructions at checkout to have them text you/ ring the doorbell and leave)

• Try to buy at least 2 weeks worth of groceries and minimize the # of trips. Personal shoppers are at continual risk for exposure

• Tip!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other options I looked into that didn't work

• Amazon: Everything on the Canadian website was pretty much sold out and I ain't paying $6 for 100g of organic, gluten-free, chickpea-based pasta

• Walmart: I was really excited and actually built an entire cart but when I checked out I realized that all slots were entirely booked for the entire week. I couldn't subsequently get into any slots in the following days because they were snatched up so quickly. Delivery was also $10.

• Metro: They DO deliver in other cities but not in mine! Tragique

So I chose Instacart -- but why Loblaws?

• Look, Instacart only services Loblaws customers here in this city so it was my ONLY choice

• And I NEVER shop at Loblaws because I'm not paying $5 for bread when the same bread costs $2 at Food Basics, when they're from the same company

• With this being my only choice I went for it and accepted my fate.

• Thank goodness Loblaws PC and Shopper's Optimum got combined because at least I can rack up those points. It's the only points card I got when I first became an Adult.

Step 1: Shopping on the Loblaws Instacart Interface

• IDKY this is an option, but you can shop either on the Loblaws interface or the instacart interface

• It's the exact same, at least in my limited searches

• I ended up shopping on the Loblaws interface, hoping that it meant higher chance that I'd do the points thing right and earn some points

Step 2: The Grocery List Planning

• I was actually buying for the month, and have a $100 limit on grocery budgets rn so I targeted the main food groups

• I took stock of what was in the pantry and fridge first, and then constructed a list of what I wanted to buy...

Premade meals

• I made the mistake of thinking I could go without frozen premade meals and I would cook every day. Even when I'm home though, this wasn't the case. I needed comfort food that I didn't make

• + frozen dumplings

Carbs

• Keep in mind that I am made of carbs and get really hangry without them

• + pasta (shells!)

• + oatmeal (for breakfast, bc I'm no longer buying bread weekly)

• + noodles

Fruits

• It as 2020 when I set intentional eating goals and started eating apples and tangerines, my least favourite fruits in my life

• I'm not about to drop these habits y'all

• + bag of tangerines

• + bag of apples

Vegetables

• Following my own vegetable life hack post and ordering the LUCY THREE categories of vegetables that will keep forever

• + green onions (to grow, and keep and talk to as friend bc I live alone)

• + frozen vegetables

• + pickles

Meat + Protein

• I needed toppings for my instant ramen and noodles sooooo

• + eggs (I know these are potentially hard to come by but I LIVE FOR EGGS)

• + corned beef (how 2 budae jigae if no off-brand spam???)

• + dried chickpeas & lentils (I have canned but I wanted to learn how to use dried)

Other (treats + supplies)

• + chips (or snack of a sort)

• + coffee filters

Step 3: The reality of what I could order

Premade meals

• [x] frozen dumplings

• I found them, but they weren't the T&T brand (Loblaw owns No Frills, Food Basics and T&T so it carries the No Name Brand and T&T branded items)

Carbs

• [x] pasta (shells!)

• [x] oatmeal (for breakfast, bc I'm no longer buying bread weekly)

• [x] noodles

• This was a success, albeit a few cents more expensive

Fruits

• [nope] bag of tangerines

• [nope] bag of apples

• instead: + yuja tea (for vitamin C + as a treat drink)

• I WANTED TO BUY FRUITS but I actually did not end up buying fruits

• Fruits at Loblaws are CRAZY expensive. Like I'm not paying $8.99 for a sack of apples and $1.39 PER ORANGE when it's like $1.39 per bag of oranges at food basics when it's on sale.

Vegetables

• [x] green onions (to grow, and keep and talk to as friend bc I live alone)

• [x] frozen vegetables

• [x] pickles

• I bought a whole litre of pickles bc it as the only Good Value option (thank you, no name brand)

Meat + Protein

• [x] 18 eggs

• [ nope] corned beef (cannot budae jigae bc no off brand spam)

• [x] dried chickpeas & lentils (I have canned but I wanted to learn how to use dried)

• [x] hot dogs (if I can't have fried spam to add to my noodle soup I might as well make hot dog octopi)

• [x] sardines (if you've never had it, rice & sardines & a pickle is a really good struggle meal)

Other (treats + supplies)

• [x] chips (or snack of a sort)

• [x] coffee filters

• The coffee filters were actually the best value? Also packaged in cardboard, which I feel is more readily recycled

Step 4: When I got clowned by my personal shopper (and also myself tbh)

My drop-off window is 1-3pm, and at 2pm, I got 12 messages.

What I THOUGHT the messages said: Your item (e.g., sour cream and onion chips) has been placed.

• SO NATURALLY I went out to check. Nothing at my entrance to the apartment. Nothing at the main entrance of the house (people get confused a lot). Nothing at my neighbours' doors. Where is anything???

• So I DMed the personal shopper like, hmm please let me know where you dropped things off, and he proceeded to answer in ONLY punctuation marks and emojis until...

• I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT

What the messages actually said: Your item (e.g., sour cream and onion chips) has been replaced.

• So I quickly apologized and was like sorry I was confused! Please carry on.

• Guess how he responded?

• With a single emoji.

🤡

Step 4: receiving the groceries -- a truly strange interaction

I haven't had social interaction with a real human being in 3 weeks but I swear this wasn't all me. This is how this unfolded.

• I didn't hear when he first unloading the groceries. I had left a message being like, please ring the doorbell or knock loudly.

• I did not hear the doorbell

• I did absolutely hear the knock. I got up to get the door.

• Before I got there, he tried the doorknob.

• ??? What did he think would happen ??? That it would open ??? It didn't, which I hope wasn't too surprising for him, because he was in for an even more exciting surprise.

• As I approached the door but before I opened it, I heard him speaking. He wasn't speaking in English and he wasn't looking at the door anymore after he tried to the doorknob so I didn't think he was speaking to me? I also didn't see a phone though so I was really confused?

I opened the door and immediately heard WHOAHOAHWOHWOAHAOAHWOHWOHAOAHAOHAOHWOWHAOHAA

• my personal shopper had lined up my groceries against the door, and my door unconventionally* opens outward

• He then proceeded to remove one bag (1) so that now I could shift all my groceries slowly, but only enough so that I could only crack open the door so that my head could fit through.

• He then: leaned over the groceries so as not to step on them, placed one hand on the outside of the door for support and placed his weight against it (thus closing it), and then tried to shove a total of 6 bags through that door

• 6 bags

• SIX BAGS!!!

• I'm marshmallow armed and cannot hold 6 bags of fragile glass and eggs so I politely declined and asked him to leave it on the floor as I grabbed 2 bags at a time to bring in.

• Also so he would stop pushing on the door so I could open it large enough for the bags to fit through in the first place.

• To add on to this, the most confusing thing is like, I was communicating important information to him while the entire time he didn't once respond because he was busy chatting over the Bluetooth in a language I didn't understand, which made it very difficult for me to convey to him that

• if you push on a door, it closes the opening, through which you are trying to shove groceries through

• but he heard none of that, and as soon as I said, "actually I can't hold 6 bags I'm gonna take 3 right now", he finally lets go of the rest of the bags, turns around and leaves.

• we never once made eye contact

• I yelled thank you after him ???

• confusion level: 92%

😵

Step 5: I disinfected the f*ck out of all the groceries (step optional dependent on pandemic status)

Website Ease: ★★★★☆ {4/5}

Price: ★★★☆☆ {3/5}

Usefulness in pandemic: ★★★★★ {5/5}

Personal Shopper Customer Service Experience Overall: ★☆☆☆☆ {1/5} there was an attempt

Personal Shopper Customer Service Experience Leading To The Most Exciting Event That Has Happened To Me All Week That I Could Blog About: ★★★★★ {5/5}

This was REALLY fun to review and I kind of want to do more! Let me know down below what I should review next!!!