the 3 lessons I learned from Marie Kondo

I read/ listened to two of her books,

and they were the first things I turned to

almost as a coping strategy,

when social distancing measures were first rolled out.

After all,

this home I'm in is going to be where I am

for the next 2 weeks?

next month??

the entire summer???

What I read:

In true Lucy fashion I read them out of order*,

reading the second book first before the first.

the original book:

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up**

the second book:

Spark Joy**

Lesson #1: What is joy?

Ask yourself, what is joy to you?

To me, these books gave me

a deeper understanding

of what joy is,

what it looks like,

and how it feels.

Seems silly, doesn't it,

like shouldn't you, a whole ass adult,

know what joy is?

No.

Not entirely, anyways.

I felt like before I read this book

I had a more superficial understanding of happiness and joy,

one that was tainted by advertising and marketing,

which consistently and implicitly inserts itself into our beliefs

of what is good, what is happy, and what is healthy.

But we're all different after all,

and those $olution$ work for some,

but not all.

In her first book, she MANDATES that

HAVE to follow her order of cleaning categories:

clothing >

books >

papers >

komono (miscellany) >

sentimental items

And the meaning behind is that

you slowly develop this skill of discerning

what is love?

what is neutral?

what is not so great?

And when she teaches her clients to define what

"sparks joy",

she literally demonstrates it. (see gif above)

She lifts upwards entirely.

The concept "joy lifts you up" was always abstract to me,

but in her Netflix show she directs her clients' attention

towards signs of joy in the body:

• eyebrows unfurrowed

• shoulders lightened up

• breath smooth

• overall, posture doesn't tense up in reaction to item

These are all signs from our body

that we've all learned to ignore

so we can be adults and complete our responsibilities.

Like after sorting my items I recognized the same

feeling of joy in my body when I message certain people,

or when I make a new recipe and it turns out really well,

that lifting sense of enjoyment.

I also noticed which things gave me

the same physical reaction as that one specific sock with a hole

that was really cute when I got

but has become so mangled it is now more monstrous.

Some of those things I can make changes to,

some of those things I still have to do (dishes)

but have learned to pair with something fun (podcast).

Take home #2: Making decisions using visuals

K, I've always conceptually KNOWN from class

that your working memory can only hold so much

and that having a visual (e.g., pros + cons list) helps with making decisions,

because honestly you can only hold a few of those pros/cons reasons

in your head before your thoughts swirl to the next set of reasons.

That's how I end up ruminating anyways.

Similarly, Marie Kondo makes use of this tactic.

Her first step is to get you to hunt down EVERY last item within a category

and place them into one place.

This looks like ONE GIGANTIC pile of clothes

in the living room

in every one of her Netflix show episodes.

Only when she's absolutely certain that you have all your options out

that she gives the green light to begin decision making.

In some ways I'm adapting this concept

(now tangibly and eternally visualized as a huge mountain of clothing options)

with things like emails, to do lists + scheduling meetings also.

I set aside one time at the end of the day

where I gather all my tasks,

emails that I've held on to because they had actionable items,

and ongoing projects (and their bite sized subtasks)

and make sure I make decisions when considering ALL of these.

Too often I've run into the problem where

I'm scheduling meetings on the fly

and agreeing to doing URGENT tasks

that I'm not giving enough time to those ongoing projects

with moving deadlines.

This, I realized,

was equivalent to

cleaning out all my books in the bedroom

and already putting them back on to the shelf

to realize that I haven't touched the books in the living room

or in my bag

and now there's no room on my shelf.

Take home #3: Letting go***

Probably the biggest thing I took from this book

is the concept of letting go.

My biggest flaw is I literally keep EVERYTHING,

from emails,

to the brunch receipt that said "e-muffin"**** from

my 102nd date with my bf.

She puts sentimental items last,

because you're not only letting go

of that drawing your child drew when she was 3,

that ticket to a concert you went to see as a teen,

or that receipt of the e-muffin,

you're letting go of an emotional connection to a past event.

And those are the hardest.

But her most comforting words are,

that these are the things that made you who you are now,

to thank them, the item and the memory of experience

for helping you shape who you are today.

And there you are,

the three lessons I took from Marie Kondo's books.

Note: I still don't know how to end these blog posts

because I feel like I should have a conclusion paragraph

So here are some words

thank you for reading???

Also recommend me books to read, especially books that have changed your life

👇👇👇

• Tweet me?

• Drop into my Discord Server where the only active channel is a channel where we count upwards to infinity (at the time of writing we are at 1312) ???

• Comment below!

---

Here are the footnotes because I'm the Queen of Tangents

*tangent #1

I read Harry Potter out of order as a kid

just because the next book was checked out

and I couldn't wait to hear more about Hermione

because Hermione was the embodiment of the

little nerd that I was.

Needless to say it was R E A L LY confusing.

**affiliate links

this means I earn $$ if you specifically purchase from this link

I've been trying out Amazon Affiliates for the 3rd time

because the previous 2 times the strategy I was using

wasn't generating enough sales to meet their min thresholds

so both times I never cashed out and they closed my account.

Starting this for a 3rd time so I can try out some new strategies,

blog about what worked + what didn't

because experimenting is what I love doing, shhh :)

Keep an eye out for a potential blog post ???

***Unrelated distraction and tangent

I was going to write this all in one go but I wanted to document

that before I wrote lesson #3,

I was deeply distracted by looping this specific video

for at least 6 times.

Please watch it and get it to 10M views thanks

****the e-muffin

bf: what's an e-muffin?

bf: like an electronic e-muffin?

bf: are they gonna email me the e-muffin?

bf: I didn't get a muffin where is it

me: there was an english muffin under my poached egg this was my order thanks

Self care in grad school: TIME BOUNDARIES

Most recounts of self-care focus on recharging, after the day. It's about bringing back loss after spending time and energy as a currency throughout the day. With my goal of being intentional this year as well (yes, my WORD OF THE YEAR), I also thought about the flip side: intentional spending.

Here are 3 ways I've been trying out to protect time + energy boundaries

[FIRST] Say no to projects that don't align with training goals

• I make this decision based on whether a project aligns with (1) my research interests and (2) my training skills

• Starting out grad school meant my research interests were BROAD so for the first couple of years I focussed on taking on projects that helped me develop training skills (e.g., types of stats, techniques, etc.)

• Now comes the hard part. Once you've figured out your ultimate goals, make sure you're staying true to these goals by taking on projects that fit these goals.

• Remember, saying yes to something (especially something you don't really care about) implicitly means saying no to something else (which could've been THE thing you actually care about). You only 24h to your day.

• As you get into upper years of grad school, develop the skill of asserting your time boundaries. [I say you but honestly this is a long internal monologue to myself, I need to set these time boundaries too] .

[SECOND] Automate + script anything and all things

• Love coding/ scripting? This is right up your alley. Definitely automate as much of your data analysis as possible because friend, you are human, and humans make mistakes, especially humans who don't get enough sleep. Don't play yourself by analyzing ALL your data and realizing that in step 1 you entered 22 instead of 2 in a parameter and have to do it ALL over again

• Automation doesn't only mean coding though! There are websites out there (like IFTTT) that take the coding out of making "If This, Then [do] That" sequences. Definitely try email templates for responding to students as a TA (consider: "read the syllabus" templates + instructions of where to find it; create a template for everything you have to write more than 3 times).

• Automate your citations and references omg please: I wrote a blog post here about using the FREE MENDELEY PROGRAM available out there, and it's something I wish I could have sent to my past self. I mourn all the hours, perhaps days, I've spent on citations and references, it makes me cry.

• Automate your LIFE THINGS: consider meal prep (don't have to decide meals every day or wait in lines to buy meals AND save money); having a capsule wardrobe (minimize the number of decisions you have to make in a day to prevent decision fatigue)

[THIRD] Document your project decisions and details

• Make sure you document ALL your decisions and rationales (so you don't come back to them 2 years later because Reviewer 2 is like Why Did You Do It Like This). Human memory is fallible and even though you think you'll remember it, you'll forget at least one (1) detail

• DOCUMENT ALL THE RESOURCES YOU USED so you can come back to them if you need to check something. There's nothing as painful as having to regoogle a resource/FAQ/how-to and it's no longer showing up in your google search

• Documenting dates + project details also gives you an approximate but tangible look-back on how realistically (and painfully) L O N G projects can actually take, so you can use these more realistic estimates for future planning.

• Why I do it: It's my long term memory outside of my real long term memory. External storage. Searchable (CTRL+F) long term memory is fantastic, trust me.

• How I do it: ongoing Google Doc (dearly nicknamed Research Journal, total # of pages = 180, and I started in MSc2)

Word of the Year: ✨Intention✨

I know, we're more than halfway through January 2020 already so this is KINDA LATE.

ANNOUNCING THIS YEAR'S WORD OF THE YEAR!

This year's word is intention.

I spent too much of last year automatically whizzing through things and not really remembering or being aware of a lot of things I was doing. I think if I continue this for too long, life will just whizz by me without me even noticing.

MY INTENTIONAL GOALS FOR THE YEAR

[1] Intentional Spending

The Problem: I've spent way too much just casually scrolling Amazon or Chapters or Yesstyle. Too much money was spent unplanned because of email offers I got in my inbox, leading to very scary credit card bills oops.

My spending intentions: My goal is to spend money in a more efficient way so I'm putting the money towards things I want (saving up for emergency fund, down payment, etc.) and the things I actually enjoy (e.g., trips to visit my bf, good food and fun experiences).

How I'm going to do it:

• Journalling about all purchases that are not part of the planned budget & reflecting on whether it should be something I should add to my planned budget as a valuable expense OR whether I should recognize how I'm feeling/ what I'm doing/ where I am before I purchase the thing to see whether there are patterns that lead me to automatically spend

• Biweekly check-ins on budget. I bank with 2 different banks and the statements are off sync so I get new statements to download/ enter in my budget every 2 weeks so it works perfectly :) It used to be monthly but I realized that was a long time.

• GROCERY LISTS: I create grocery lists every week from the Food Basics flyers I get to my email. This helps me because too often I walk into the grocery store and just pile on whatever I feel like and it exceeds my budget. Having some sort of guideline helps me focus on making sure I get those Food Groups For My Brain Noodle Fuel first before packing in those treats

[2] Intentional Eating

The Problem: I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I don't know what to do with myself. I eat when I'm sad. These are all unhealthy reasons for eating that don't get at what I'm trying to solve (e.g., boredom, stress, etc.)

My eating intentions: I think TOO OFTEN in the past I have tried to go on a restrictive diet as a way of "controlling" these urges but I think that's actually building INTO this habit of eating as a reward or eating as a vice to be allowed if I'm stressed. I intend to make sure I'm eating the planned meals a day and also when I'm hungry, but to distinguish that from eating as a coping mechanism for negative emotions.

How I'm going to do it:

• If I'm eating outside of my planned times or meals, to check in on whether I'm eating because I'm hungry, or eating as a coping mechanism. If I'm eating because I'm sad or stressed or bored, I now have a list of alternate self-care activities to do instead. I might blog about this more in the future, but I realized that my coping strategies are usually based on 2 senses: EATING (taste) and WATCHING TV/YOUTUBE/SHOWS (visual), and that I forget about the calming activities I can do for TACTILE (shower, bath, stretch), AUDITORY (music), and SMELL (bath bombs, candles, baking).

• Track my eating on cronometer 1x/ week. I settled on 1x a week because I don't want to overfocus on numbers every day, but I do notice that with grad school and life getting busy, that I forget that my brain needs nutrients and don't eat enough vegetables. Not having enough nutrients contributes to some of this tiredness too so knowing what kind of nutrients I need to eat more of (LOL usually vegetables or fruits tbh for them vitamins) allows me to more consciously plan and budget them into my next grocery list

• Take on a not-restrictive stance. I think this is what distinguishes this from a diet. If I have a dessert and it actively makes me happy and I didn't choose to just eat it because I was unhappy and needed to fill the void, that's an experience I am enjoying and that is adding to my life.

[3] Intentional Time Use

The Problem: I say yes to a million things and feel overwhelmed and stressed, which I cope by procrastinating (watching tv) or eating, which takes up more of my budget which gets me more stressed about money so I take on more things to afford my #Lifestyle, which in turn means I am MORE OVERWHELMED. (Are you stressed reading this yet).

My time intentions: Really setting up time boundaries and being intentional about what I say yes to. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to other things (we all only have 24h). And I want to make sure that I'm saying yes to the things that align with my goals and values and no to the things that don't energize me.

How I'm going to do it:

• I use calendar blocking to block out my time and learn how long it really takes me to complete things so that in the future, I can plan accordingly.

• I also track my time by the hour to see what mostly takes up up my time. For each hour, I track what I spent most of that hour on, and how energized I felt that hour from that activity: energized (+), neutral ( ø ), and depleting (-). It helps me make sure that I say yes to more things that are energizing, and also to make sure that if there are depleting things I have to do, that I schedule enough buffer around it so I don't burn out.

• I spend up to 30 minutes each day clearing out all emails to be added as tasks to my calendar. I decline anything that doesn't fit into my schedule over the next 2 weeks.

• I do a weekly journal reflection on how I spend my time and whether they align with my goals this year. I reflect on what's working each week that I should celebrate, what's not working that I should abandon, and what I really wish I had spent time on so I make time the next week for these things.

THOSE ARE THE MAIN THREE THINGS!

I'll check back in throughout the year and see how things are going :)

Want to learn more?

• Jenna Kutcher's podcast on the "not-to-do-list"

• Amy Landino's youtube video about how she uses calendar blocking

• Placeholder for how I personally calendar block + integrate with excel + todoist

• Placeholder for post I wanted to write about time boundaries